Monitor your unintentional ageism
You’re not ageist, are you? In fact you don’t approve of ageism. You know some lovely old people. Naturally, you will never be old, you are ageless or young at heart. You’ve got nothing against old people per se, just that they are all so <derogatory adjective>.
If you make ageist remarks, it’s not intentional. Now what?

The British Centre for Ageing Better has put out a terrific Guide to talking about ageing and older age that we can download for free. Short and sweet and easy to read. This is not about institutional ageism or cultural ageism, but about the ageism that lurks unnoticed inside our own minds. Yes, it’s largely a product of the endemic ageism of our society—which pops out in the words we use, the things we say. And so unconsciously, we reinforce society’s ageism. As the title declares, the Guide to talking about ageing and older age suggests what we personally can do as individuals. It’s about familiar words and phrases that we use without thinking, and what they imply. In general terms they advise:
- Shift associations with frailty, vulnerability and dependency
- Use preferred terminology
- Avoid “othering” and compassionate ageism
- Don’t stoke conflict between generations
- Think carefully about imagery

Words have power. Sure, they reflect and communicate our own thinking. But if they’re ageist words, they reinforce an ageist attitude of which we are very likely unaware.
Ageism is fear of your future self
The most bizarre thing about ageism is that it springs from a fear of yourself. Fear—or disgust, or anger, or dislike. Your previous self, who has been aging from day one. Your current self, who is different from yourself ten years ago. Your future self, who will either die young or become old.
Here, all the talk about loving oneself crashes down. How about loving your future self? Hard, when we cannot imagine being ten years older. Harder still, when we subconsciously categorise old people as not-us.
I had a burning-bush revelation myself a few years ago, suddenly realising that I harboured two unpleasant and contradictory attitudes towards aging. I called them Smugilla and Glumia. Both “othered” old people, seeing them as a breed apart—although I was 75 at the time! Awareness was all, and I honestly believe that I’ve banished those two nasty little voices for good. I only hope they didn’t burrow into your brain instead. Here’s my poem about discovering my inner ageists.
Ageism without within
I found ageism rampaging in my neighbourhood in job descriptions and prescriptions in jokes and compliments and ads on every screen, in tips and fads on videos and TV shows on greeting cards, in camouflage and tiny acts of sabotage. I found it looming over me on billboards big and bald. (The assumptions, the assumptions dooming youth to aspirations dooming age to loss and pain.) And then I met the advocates of ageism within— Glumia of the sorrows and Smugilla that nasty bitch — using my mouth to speak their nonsense sniping and sneering and whining and mocking the other, the alien old from a podium under my skin. ~ rachel mcalpine in How To Be Old
Resources for quietly monitoring hidden ageism
Guide to talking about ageing and older age from the Centre for Ageing Better
Old School— a clearinghouse for all things anti-ageism
Follow Write Into Life
We tried hard to get my mum, in her seventies, to go to a n over-sixties lunch club. My sister would have dropped her off and picked her up…
but she said she didn’t want to have to sit and talk to ‘all those old people.’
My dad was the same. Freaky, ay?
My mother was the same, even at 92
I found ageism to be huge as well. I was on LinkedIn and they now have a whole news editorial team that write nothing but articles like “How to attract a Gen Z candidate” and “What are Gen Z looking for in a new job” and “Amplifying Gen Z voices,” etc. I commented on the article and pointed out that it can be construed as ageism. The fact that they’re placing so much importance on how to attract a very young Gen Z candidate tells me right there that they are encouraging companies to hire only younger above someone seasoned and older. It really is unfortunate and I’m very passionate about crusading against this injustice.
You make an excellent point. That’s worth fighting..
Hearing you read your poem made it come alive. More, please ?
OK!
My Mum, in her 80’s, used to regularly go to help out at functions for the “old folks” as she called those in their 60’s and 70’s.
I dunno. Human beings!
Ageism also applies to our often disparaging attitude to younger people. We use the word ‘youth’ to mean ‘lout’, and we generalise about young people lacking knowledge and maturity. There is more to this topic than banning images of people using a walking stick, imho.
And perhaps this also, in a way, sometimes spring from hatred (or jealousy?) of ourselves… When we were young.
I couldn’t agree more. Principle #3 is exactly that: “Don’t stoke conflict between generations.”
More things to think about. Thanks Rachel.
Well said
I wrap my arms around ‘ageism’ if it gets me a Senior discount. Hey, I’ve earned it…😎. Loved the poem.
We get senior discounts from 65, which is premature for some, just right for others.
I am so enjoying reading about the long lived women in my past. Right now it is Lucy Durham who at 39 went to San Francisco to live among the Chinese and learn the language then on to what was then Canton at 49 to be a missionary. She didn’t return to retirement until she was 76. I managed to escape the inner voice of attack, probably because I had always known about those long living aunts and great aunts off doing great things.
That’s wonderful. How good to have enough role models that a good old age becomes, in your mind, the norm.
It really always has been. I never thought to question it until I read your post.
Very good article on ageism. I’ve often found old people as others describing here, speaking despairingly of other old people, some their contemporaries, based on their age. Perhaps we all need to listen more carefully to our own words
Listening to ourselves is always a good start 🙂