A challenge: show auto-correct who’s boss

Photo of a cup with coffee dregs beside half a lemon. Both round and yellow. But not the same.
No, auto-correct. An empty coffee cup is not half a lemon.

Like you, every day I face new and ludicrous blunders by auto-correct. Bloggers of the world, revolt! It’s time to show who’s boss: the writer or the over-eager software feature.

Auto-incorrections are a bit like the aches and pains and troubles of old age. At first you routinely rant and vent and protest. How can this possibly be happening to me! I don’t need them, I don’t want them, I’m insulted, I’m outraged! They should be against the law. Call the doctor, call Geeks-on-Wheels, write a letter to the paper, publicise this dreadful situation right now and make it stop!

But the troubles of old age may eventually become familiar, something you can manage, one way or another. It’s hard to stay outraged for twenty years or more.

Not so much the dreaded auto-incorrections. Speaking for myself, I still have a reaction but it’s against myself. (Silly me, I failed to proof-read.) But if I can’t conquer my own lack of proof-reading rigour, maybe I could conquer them in another way.

Rules of the auto-correct challenge

Write a sentence using the original word. Write the same sentence replacing the original word with the one supplied by auto-correct. Both versions must make sense.

It’s OK to change the auto-incorrected word to a similar part of speech.

The example below comes from a comment by Suzanne of Life at No. 22.

  • Original word: repaving
  • Auto-incorrection: play.
  • Multipurpose sentence: Repaving the piano was an ambitious project to impress her in-laws. / Playing the piano was was an ambitious project to impress her in-laws.

Meet the challenge

  1. Original word: lazy. Auto-incorrection: laxative
  2. Original word: anyone. Auto-incorrection: nylons
  3. Original word: ability. Auto-incorrection: abolition
  4. Original word: blood. Auto-incorrection: boos
  5. Original word: onscreen. Auto-incorrection: onslaught

Or do the same trick with your own auto-incorrections. They are sent to torture us. Let’s show them who’s boss! I’ll publish your answers on this page. Watch this space.

The one and only entry so far

Derrick J Knight wasted no time in meeting the challenge for all five sentences! He could do it and he did it. Thanks Derrick! If you email me your postal address, I will send you a copy of How To Be Old. It’s not an instruction manual: you could write that one yourself.

1. A lazy moment on the loo/a laxative moment on the loo

2. Anyone should cover legs/nylons should cover legs

3. Having an ability to ban booze/having an abolition to ban booze

4. Heated blood raised the roof/heated boos raised the roof

5. Ferocious onscreen reaction/ferocious onslaught reaction

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16 thoughts on “A challenge: show auto-correct who’s boss

  1. Brilliant idea!

  2. 1. A lazy moment on the loo/a laxative moment on the loo

    2. Anyone should cover legs/nylons should cover legs

    3. Having an ability to ban booze/having an abolition to ban booze

    4. Heated blood raised the roof/heated boos raised the roof

    5. Ferocious onscreen reaction/ferocious onslaught reaction

    1. Rachel McAlpine says:

      I’m so impressed and also so happy that you have instantly met my challenge. Thank you! You’re the one and only so far, so if you can convey your postal address by some safe means, I am busting to send you a small gift.

  3. Cathy Cade says:

    You can turn off auto-correct on most apps… but I can’t be bothered to find out how.

    1. Rachel McAlpine says:

      Ditto, and there is a certain fascination in the dynamic.

      1. Cathy Cade says:

        and in some of the daft suggestions…

  4. You can turn if off. That’s helpful if you use a lot of words that spell check doesn’t approve of!

    1. Rachel McAlpine says:

      Yeah, poets should probably do that. But we have a relationship now, and I don’t like to hurt its feelings.

      1. 🙂

  5. Suzanne says:

    Funnily enough I thought I had it turned off, obviously not. Thanks for the smile this morning, Rachel.

  6. Joliesattic says:

    I hate that I will be looking at the right word and as I hit send, I suddenly see another was supplanted and sometimes not just one but another as well!

    1. Rachel McAlpine says:

      Yep, very strange.

  7. alison41a says:

    I hate Auto-correct with a passion, and have kicked it off my mobile phone. For some reason, it doesn’t intrude here on my desktop. Shhhh … peace, syntax and appropriate words spill out of my battered keyboard. Shhhh, in case A-c hears this comment.

    1. Rachel McAlpine says:

      My lips are sealed. It’s our little secret.

  8. Prue says:

    I keep meaning to make a list of hilarious ones but of course I never do!

    1. Rachel McAlpine says:

      I only save them if I use a post-it on my wardrobe door. This is the most productive autocorrector platform : Microsoft SwiftKey plus WordPress Reader plus ipad. I sort of love the madness… ish.

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