The trouble with…

The trouble with long gaps between meetings with a friend

…is that there’s too much to say. That’s the trouble, basically. Meet them every Tuesday and you can talk for hours. Leave it for a year and you don’t know where to start.

There must be a trick or a formula for solving this. But I’m guessing most of us circle around with stock questions like, “How have you been?” or “What have you been up to?” This puts the other person on the spot. What to say? Where to begin? With the one disastrous change in your life, or what you did last week? Good news or bad news? With updates on your children or other family members? With sincerity or superficiality? We are subconsciously wondering what level of intimacy is it safe or wise to inch towards? What perspective to take?

Some might see this as an interesting chance to evaluate the state of your own life. But it’s more likely we’re floundering, at least at first. Because we’re venturing into — not a foreign land, but at least unfamiliar territory. We know this person, but much can change in a year.

The same thing applies when you only email an old friend once a year. It’s better than nothing — way, way better than nothing! Seriously better than nothing. But sometimes I find it a bit disturbing to get a long long email out of the blue from a dear friend on the other side of the world. We can never touch more than the surface of each other’s lives and feelings. So I think I will email her now, only 6 months since our last communication.

Maybe the same thing applies when you wait too long between blogging. You may enjoy blogging or indeed need to blog for your own good reasons. But for one reason or another a few weeks drift by blogless. Now instead of 10 topics competing for our attention, you’re at a loss for one.

The trouble with offers of help when you are ill

… is that you need to accept at least some of them. This can be counter-intuitive, when you are used to running your own life. You are such a competent person! So in control! Why should anyone go shopping for you? You’ll soon be better and you can make do with what’s in the fridge and freezer, there’s some milk powder somewhere, and you can surely rustle up some soup with leftover veges or a tin of tomatoes. Except you don’t feel like it. You don’t feel hungry anyway. Because you’re sick. What does it matter: you can manage.

Maybe so. But you (I mean I) should graciously accept, for at least two reasons. First, because you (I) don’t have the energy to make soup. You’ll land up eating dry crackers, which have zero food value. And who needs vitamins and proteins and all the good stuff? Why, people who are a bit sick! Second, because people like to be helpful. It makes them feel good.

Fortunately I have two fine daughters living nearby who can and will do my shopping in such cases. But I eagerly accepted home-made soup from my neighbour Pippa. It was totally delicious and it overpowered the grapefruit taste of the antivirals. The best shopping offer I received from a friend went like this — no nonsense, totally assertive:

“Happy to drop any groceries you need at your doorstep. Please note down a list via email.”

The trouble with brain fog

…is that it stops you realising you have brain fog. Then when it lifts, you can’t be quite sure whether this is so. This is a subsection of another issue: how to evaluate the cognitive changes that happen as you age? The equipment you’re using to evaluate the cognitive changes is the very organ that is undergoing cognitive changes, your darling brain. Too bad, I say!

The trouble with Kate Atkinson’s Jackson Brodie novels

… is that they are too dense and dancy to read when you have got COVID. This week I was crazy enough to try and read one Jackson Brodie novel as an ebook in the daytime, and listen to a different one as an audiobook as I went to sleep.

Same characters! Different periods! Jumbled flashbacks and numerous time jumps! My dreams last night added up to an heroic attempt to sort out which book was which and what the dickens was going on. I failed triumphantly. It was beyond me. (Does it matter? No. Is it funny? Yes.) I decided to read most of one book all over again.

I blame Lee Child for failing to write a couple of extra Jack Reachers for me. He sticks pretty much to the natural sequence of events and uses short sentences. And although he has a fair few characters in each book, he has a way of making each one stick in your mind. I think I know how he does it. But whatever: don’t read Kate Atkinson when what you need is Lee Child.

The trouble with getting COVID

… is that you have to tell people. Especially the people you probably gave COVID to. But now that I’m coming out the other end of a pretty mild dose, I can safely say that all will be well. Including me.

Don’t believe me? Well look, I just posted this piece on my blog. I thought it. I wrote it. And I’m about to publish it. Not too much wrong with this baby! So no thanks, I don’t need you to do my shopping. But hey, thanks for the offer 🙂

Exactly four years ago: Bring back hugging

(Sorry for the messed up formatting here. Seems I’m not quite as smart as I thought )