Gratitude and memory
Gratitude and memory interact in odd ways. This morning I had an urge to remember what happened day-by-day last week and I found it surprisingly hard. I have a multicoloured journal, in which I’m supposed to write one sentence or phrase for every day over five years. (I’m inclined to confuse this with a gratitude diary.) It’s a nice idea. But for 99 per cent of my life, I forget it exists. Let me give it a go, aided by random photos.
Monday: This was my last day staying in Marlborough Sounds with my son and daughter-in-law. It was his (very low key) birthday and he went off to clean windows as usual. Hetty and I recorded a chat about developmental tasks for people over 60. A full generation younger than me, she squeaks into that category, so I was interested to see how much we had in common. (Grateful to Hetty for this!) Later I flew home in one of Sounds Air’s teeny tiny planes: a gratitude-inducing experience as always.
Tuesday: Catch-up day. Admin! Who can remember such things? Found a comical old carrot in the fridge and made soup. Also, I organised my choir music in a folder, and practised a couple of songs. Enlarged and printed one score, but can’t do the same to two others. Choir rehearsal at night. Love the music but I’m worried because I’m floundering in several pieces: I have missed too many rehearsals.
Wednesday: Hair cut. Picked up a parcel in the central Post Office. Grateful for the visual and spacial experience. Wild weather, no swim. Dancing, always fun, at night.
Thursday: Glorious skies.
Friday: Core and Mobility class at the gym — interesting. Impressive bus trip to Lower Hutt for double choir dress rehearsal. I am uneasy about singing tomorrow.
Saturday: Our concert was superb and the audience large and happy. But I was well below par. My memory of the event is extremely clear, but gratitude is hard to locate.
Sunday: A very full day, with grandson, sister, shopping and rumination. Too full, so I had an early night.
Two days later, I find gratitude for an unfortunate memory
OK, I made a bad decision (to sing when under-prepared) and so I stuffed up. I was disappointed and ashamed of myself for letting our lovely choir down. But the upside is that I recognise this as a turning point. I won’t do that again! And in future I’ll consistently use an iPad for music scores, so that I can always read them. Done! No more struggling to decipher faint squiggles on paper. Good! I’m pleased.
Gratitude and memory are tightly tangled
It’s good to be grateful on the spot, minute by minute, noticing tiny joys in real time. This I can do and I do do. But I’d like to remember more clearly the good things that happened last week, or even yesterday.
This gratitude-and-memory exercise has shown me something else. Even a small, simple life such as mine is chock-full of mini-events and mini-details that deserve my full attention and appreciation.
Yeah. I’m grateful that I struggled with my memory of last week 🙂 All this noticing, remembering, appreciating, analysing, forgiving and learning has taken two hours — but it’s been worth it. Time for lunch.
Can you remember what you did last week, day-by-day?
You never cease to inspire me!
Thank you Josaia for your encouragement. I’m grateful!
I read recently that our brains are wired to remember negative experiences because evolutionarily speaking that is designed for our survival. Whereas, positive experiences (kindness, connection, gratitude, peace, etc.) are 10 times harder to recall. After my daughte had a mild rant about someone with me on the phone, I shared this with her. She is neurodivergent and can recall the smallest slight in great detail for many years. She said thoughtfully, “Well, then I bet most people are lazy like me.” We laughed and sadly, she is probably right. Gratitude practice is just -that a wonderful practice activating underused neurons to create networks of positive memories.. Thanks so much for sharing, Rachel.
Yes, I can see how remembering negative experiences would prepare you for repeat events. I think I’ll start writing a daily positive memory: putting that book on my pillow right now, as a prompt!
I used to write a sentence (or two) for every day but I stopped a few years ago as I keep re-prioritizing my time. I think it is a very useful exercise. I can remember what I did day to day last week, probably because I wired my brain to remember in increments when I was writing everything down!
That really does link gratitude and memory in a positive way. Could be just what my brain requires, not forever, but for a few weeks or months.
I’ve a calendar on my phone, with alarm set up. Mostly to remember what’s coming up, but also the new regime of meds. Along with if I need to schedule something on a set day.
However today was missing “fridge delivery” mainly because they phoned yesterday with time. And since delivery have been to supermarket to get more foodstuffs. Neither item in today’s slot!
I’m already grateful for fridge, the seals are so much stronger and the freezer compartment is ready2receive. I’ve got ice cream, if I need a snack.
But I’m grateful that both lunch and dinner is prepared by the housekeeper…so my stuff is just extras.
It’s lovely to know you’re grateful for your fridge, because it’s one of the wonders of the modern world. And ice cream is so good.
I think you did very well remembering a week’s events.
I write about things that interest me, and I take photos. These are much more reliable than my memory. They are BECOMING my memory.
Wow, what a an insight! So true. I relied partly on my iPhotos to remember last week.
Oh dear Rachel, that limp carrot made me chuckle. I love your sense of gratitude and the details of these moments, including finding a way to learn from your experience with singing (I sure envy you the gift of singing). I can sing, but not well. Facebook and Instagram are becoming our ‘memories’… it’s quite startling sometimes to have a memory photograph appear of a special moment with special people and find out just how long ago it was. I hope the soup had more than that carrot in it 🙂 🙂 xx
You bet, the soup had other lonely veges in it, plus a chicken breast. I don’t put much on Facebook, but I love my random photos.
Well, having kept a diary for years, Mum always won the argument when it came to what happened last week or what was the weather like last year etc. If that failed, she would move her wheelchair to her computer and find the answer to stop any family “discussions”. Practising gratitude might be useful when life becomes overwhelming and thoughts negative. You are indeed inspirational Rachel and doing so well.
Your mother’s diary must have settled a heap of arguments. I am constantly astonished at the utterly different memories we six sisters have have (our don’t have) of a particular event. I quite enjoy that now 🙂
I can imagine you would😊 Yes, it’s amazing how we all recollect various events.
I currently use a dedicated journalling app on my computer and phone, but in the past I’ve used different app, a plain text editor, and briefly tried pen & paper (that didn’t last long, alas). I have to force myself to open and update it with what I’ve been up to, but I do see the value in doing so, particularly when looking back at how I was feeling in years past. My biggest regret is that I didn’t start journalling a lot sooner. Sadly, social media doesn’t even come close as a substitute for a journal — experience has taught me that it’s terrible at recall, plus there are some things that I don’t want to share even semi-privately online.
That all makes sense, Ralph. And not many people journal their whole lives, so no self flagellation, please.
I often worry that I can’t remember what I did the week before, and it would be a good idea to write it down as you have. Perhaps this is something else I’ll start. I’m really good at starting but rarely get far.
The snag is, you have to actually want to carry on with a new habit. So let yourself off the hook. Apparently most people who do the gratitude exercise only do it for a month or two at a time, and that’s enough to do the trick.
Wow! You have an amazing memory. I will try to remember last week- it was a happening week as my cook left unexpectedly on Saturday, had a party for my son’s promotion and grandson’s 2nd birthday! The rest of the days were spent cleaning my very untidy kitchen.
Oh no, I needed my diary and photos. But what a week you had! Rather satisfying, I imagine.
Thanks, it was. Got lots of organizing and cleaning done.
I suppose the most famous exponent of the quotidian, in a literary way, is Karl Ove Knausgård. Have read extracts but can’t say I’m drawn to his writing. I tried writing semi-autobiographically recently but got rather tangled up. I then took comfort from something Kurt Vonnegut wrote: “What everybody is well advised to do is to not write about your own life — this is, if you want to write fast. You will be writing about your own life anyway — but you won’t know it.” Best of both worlds, in a way …
One little idea is to do more writing than reading-about-writing…
KV delivers good advice for writing fiction, for sure.
👏❤️👏