Hercules’ Labour Number Four
was to capture the Erymanthian boar
that disgusting destroyer
that greedy pig who
every day came back for more.
And on the way to kill the boar
Hercules stopped to jaw
with his old pal Pholus the centaur
who kindly cooked some lunch for him
but ate his own meat raw.
Hercules cracked open a sacred jar
of wine (he was such a boor)
and the smell attracted a pack of centaurs
to the door and they started a war
and Chiron got hurt very sore.
But wait there’s more
Hercules drove the revolting boar
into a heap of chilly snow
to cool it down and bring it low
maybe he threw it into the sea
but I wasn’t there so I don’t know.
I think this myth is supposed to show
that we should curb our appetites
buy our own wine
and eat more protein (cooked).
Rachel McAlpine 2019
Yes yes, I know—it’s a ridiculous poem and not even close to matching Food For Aging—Parsley, Peas and Pills. That’s the topic of an episode in my podcast How To Be Old. In the podcast I mixed up Pholus and Chiron. Sorry about that.